


On this night (and in this life)

by Lady_Hircine



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Insecurity, Kara is there to help her through it, Lena reaches a breaking point, Love Confessions, Romance, Self-Doubt, they're in love okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 09:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9884219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Hircine/pseuds/Lady_Hircine
Summary: “Lena.”It's the first time Supergirl has called her by her name. Not Kara, but Supergirl. She startles at the sound of it, at how much she likes hearing Kara say it even when she's like this. Kara is looking at her with such care and she doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve any of it. No one has ever loved her, and maybe there's a good reason. There has to be.Lena's free hand clenches into a fist.“What?” She says, a bit too sharp, a bit slurred. “I'm fine.”





	1. We started losing light

Lena Luthor is in desperate need of a drink. She looks around her office, the dim lighting from the lamp in the corner doing very little to quell the silent pounding in her head as she stares at the papers on the desk in front of her.

Briefly, she flicks her eyes to the clock on the wall. It reads far later than she'd hoped. Far later than reasonable— _healthy_ even—to still be at the office, but it's always been this way. She's always worked later than necessary, and always for the same reason: she doesn't want to go home to her empty apartment and face the reality of her life.

No, she _definitely_ doesn't want to do that. Even if these business reports are starting to blur together and her eyes are starting to burn, the alternative is much worse.

Briefly, Lena considers calling Kara, before she dismisses the thought. It's such an ungodly hour; she might be sleeping, and Lena doesn't want to disturb her. Not over her self pity party.

She sighs and rubs her temples, elbows on her desk and eyes closed.

“Fuck it,” she mutters, shoving roughly away from her desk and grabbing the glass decanter filled with whiskey from the shelf by her desk.

The amount Lena pours herself is enough to make anyone with common sense do a double take, and she shucks off her heels before taking a seat on her office couch.

Lena takes in a big mouthful and swallows it down without even so much as a flinch, relishing the burn. It's almost soothing, both relieving and familiar. She can't wait to get drunk enough to forget her own name, let alone Lionel, Lillian, and the mayhem that has been her life for the past several weeks.

There's only one bright patch of light in all that darkness, one ray of sunlight peeking through the clouds that seem always present in Lena's life, looming overhead and threatening to drown her in rain.

Kara Danvers is practically sunshine personified, always there to help a friend in need, all while wearing the brightest smile Lena's ever seen. Lena allows herself a small, genuine smile at the thought of her friend.

Reasonably, she knows that if she did call Kara now, she'd pick up and reassure her that it was fine. She'd ask what was bothering her, genuinely care about what Lena has to say, and she'd stay on the line until she was certain Lena felt better.

The sound of Kara's voice alone would help ease the pounding in her skull. Which, really, is exactly why Lena _isn't_ going to call her. She can't keep letting Kara do this—let _herself_ keep doing this—despite how much she wants it.

Since the fall out of Lillian's trial and the disaster that was her own arrest and vindication, she's been Lena's rock of support. She’s seemingly always ready to help her whenever she needs.

They'd been friends before everything, before the chaos of that week ensued.

One interview had turned into two, two to three, and so on and so forth. The interviews eventually turned into lunch dates and dinners, both off and on the record. Time off the record was becoming increasingly more frequent between them, and anything technically “on the record” was far too relaxed to ever really feel like work.

She'd be invited over to Kara's for a movie, then Lena would have Kara over to her apartment for a quiet night of chess, or whatever other strategy or trivia game Kara wanted to try with her that week. Kara is _good_ at them. Unfairly good, and clearly used to winning, but then, so is Lena. She teases and taunts her, and Kara gives it back just as good. They have a rapport going, something that Lena's never really had with someone before. It feels... good. Different, but good.

Moments between them are easy and flow smoothly, leaving Lena calm and content long after she or Kara has gone home for the evening. Kara's presence makes her penthouse apartment feel a lot... homier, somehow. It doesn't make sense to her, but then again, when it comes to Kara Danvers, not a lot of things do.

They've spent an increasing amount of time together lately though. It's verging on almost every day at this point. Lena definitely isn't complaining, she couldn't even imagine a world where spending time with Kara was anything but wonderful. She loves spending time with Kara. Maybe a little bit _too_ much.

And if it wasn’t _Kara_ checking in, it was a National City's own darling hero. She should be surprised that Supergirl would take the time to see her and check in so frequently. Perhaps, if she hadn't already realized the truth of who she was, Lena would think that Supergirl was monitoring her, checking her for signs of the ' _Luthor madness_ '.

But Lena _had_ realized the truth. And the truth is, well, a lot more complicated than that.

She isn't blind, or stupid. She _knows_ Kara, knows how she acts, how she speaks, the cute little thing she does with her hands when she's nervous. She'd recognize her anywhere, glasses or no glasses.

Lena tries not to feel hurt that Kara hasn't told her yet, because really there are a million possible reasons as to why she hasn't. But a small part of her wonders if she ever will. If her name has ruined this for her as well as everything else.

She supposes she should be touched that Kara is checking in on her so often as both of her persona's, but it's making it hard to ignore the way her heart rate 'mysteriously' speeds up around her, how her line of sight narrows in on her the second Lena sees her in any situation.

Kara is her friend. Her only friend in all of national city, damn it. She can't screw this up by developing feelings for the one person that actually gives a damn about her. Not when they've just gotten so close.

Lena takes another sip and closes her eyes tightly, glass clenched in her hand. She tries to take in a deep, steadying breath, and when she finally opens her eyes she likes to pretend that she feels a little bit more put together than before.

A bit buzzed, maybe, but that's better than desperately trying to avoid the crushing feelings of inadequacy and doubt that plague her.

She finishes her first drink and is pouring herself a second when she hears the familiar sound of wind rustling fabric and leather boots landing on her balcony.

Lena closes her eyes tightly and clenches her jaw. She's verging on drunk, and despite her close relationship with the Girl of Steel, to say she's not in the state for visitors right now would be an understatement.

She shoves down the thought that tells her she just doesn't want Kara seeing her like this.

Lena doesn't even blink when Kara gently opens the balcony door and walks in. She's been here so many times as Supergirl now that Lena had told her that she really didn't need to knock, especially during what was technically after hours—even if she was still here. Kara seemed hesitant to accept the idea at the time, but eventually she came around.

Lena turns, glass in hand, mouth open and ready for some kind of quip—some kind of comment that will make Kara understand that she wants to be alone right now—but her words die in her throat before they can even fully form.

Framed by the lights of the city just below them out the window, Kara's expression is nothing but gentle concern, her soft blue eyes filled with worry. For Lena's sake. She feels a sharp stab of guilt twist in her gut, along with another emotion that she's too afraid to try and name.

They stand there appraising each other for a long beat before Lena finally breaks the silence.

“Supergirl,” she says, slurring, giving a brief salute with her full glass before smirking. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Kara's face drops into a frown at her tone, and probably just her generally appearance really, because she's sure she looks like an absolute mess. Drunk in her office in late hours of the night. Pathetic.

Kara takes a tentative step forward, frown softening slightly, concern still in her eyes. Lena looks away quickly, unable to hold her gaze. Shame burns in hot in her gut, and she can feel her cheeks flush under Kara's scrutiny.

“I just... I saw that you were still here,” her brow furrows as she shifts on her feet, “It's late. I... I thought I should check in,” she says the words uncertainly, like she's not sure if they're what Lena wants to hear. “Is everything alright, Ms. Luthor?”

The question is hesitant, the words ' _Ms. Luthor_ ' sounding awkward and stilted in her mouth after hearing Kara call her Lena so many times. She smiles bitterly.

“Peachy.” Lena haphazardly waves her glass around her office, looking anywhere but at the girl in front of her. “As you can see, I'm fine, just catching up on some work so there's no need-”

“Lena.” It's the first time Supergirl has called her by her name. Not Kara, but _Supergirl_. She startles at the sound of it, at how much she likes hearing Kara say it even when she's like this. Kara is looking at her with such care and she doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve any of it. No one has ever loved her, and maybe there's a good reason. There has to be.

Lena's free hand clenches into a fist.

“What?” She says, a bit too sharp, a bit slurred. “I'm fine.”

Kara is stepping into her space now, placing a gentle hand on her arm. The contact burns through the thin material of her shirt, and she shivers at the feeling.

“Lena.” She says again, more firmly this time, a hint of a plea in her voice. “Please, be honest with me.”

Lena barks out a short laugh at that, harsh even to her own ears. Her nostrils flare, pulse thrumming quickly as Kara blinks in surprise at the outburst. Lena downs the rest of her drink in one go before speaking.

“That's almost funny coming from you.” She bites out before she can stop herself, her rather large intake of alcohol clouding her judgment, making her tongue looser than it would normally be. Kara's gaze stays confused for a moment before a myriad of emotions play across her face.

Lena can pick out a few: surprise, disbelief, maybe even anger, before it settles on something resigned. Kara takes a step closer and opens her mouth to speak, but Lena holds up a hand to stop her.

“It's alright, I get it, believe me I do,” the admission is more bitter than intended, but still truthful. She stares hard out the window just over Kara's shoulder, before shifting her gaze to glare Kara straight in the eye. Kara gulps.

“But don't go preaching honesty to me, _Supergirl.”_ She states, putting emphasis on her name, giving away far too much yet unable to stop herself from doing so. If Lena were sober, maybe she'd be more reasonable. Understand the why's and really think about the stakes, but she isn't, and she doesn't care. She puts her empty glass down hard on the desk beside her.

Kara has the decency to shift her eyes to the floor. She looks tired, still resigned as Lena bristles in front of her, arms crossing defensively in front of her chest.

“You're right.” The words are so soft, so hesitant that Lena isn't sure whether Kara had actually said them or if it's just the whiskey making her delirious.

“Come again?” Kara looks up from the ground, blue gaze determined as she takes another step into Lena's space, leaving them only about a foot apart.

“I said, you're right.” So she isn’t delusional after all. That's one thing at least. She's honestly surprised. Suddenly suspicious, Lena narrows her eyes.

“You're not even going to deny it?” Kara just shakes her head, blonde curls tousling at the motion.

“I should have known that you would guess. I thought that spending so much time with you might make it more obvious,” she smiles weakly, “but I thought it was worth the risk.”

Lena grinds her teeth together.

“Yes, of course, the risk. A Luthor is always a risk, right?” She huffs out a strangled laugh, tears welling in her eyes. She wipes at them furiously before Kara gently grabs her hand and pulls it away.

“It's not like that, Lena. I wanted to tell you.” Lena pulls her hand out of Kara's grasp and Kara lets her, never one to abuse her strength.

“I mean it,” she insists, eyes pleading, “But if people know then it becomes a risk. Not just for me, but for you too.” Her words are rushed as she tries to get them out, and she wrings her hands together, teeth worrying at her bottom lip. Lena can't look away.

“After what happened with-with everything I just... I couldn't risk something happening to you again. I thought telling you might be too much, too soon.” Kara looks so soft, so sincere. Lena wants to believe her, she really does, but years of distance and conditioning have left her weary and drawn in.

“Kara, you can't expect me to just believe that,” she snaps. Hurt flickers across Kara's pretty features and the sight of it digs into Lena's chest and sits there heavily, pushing hard against her ribs.

“Lena, I-”

“No, don't. Just _don't_.” She takes a step back and draws in a shuddering breath. “Just go.” She whispers, closing her eyes, waiting for the inevitable sound of her balcony door closing behind Kara as she leaves, because everyone always leaves, no exceptions. The noise never comes.

Instead, she's taken completely by surprise as strong, warm arms wrap around her frame and pull her close. Kara tucks Lena's head into the crook of her neck and runs a steady hand over her hair and down her back, soothing.

A sob builds up in her chest at the feeling. She holds it in with her fists clenched tightly at her sides, not wanting to hug back, not wanting to let herself get close because she always loves people more than they love her and she can't take it anymore, can't bear the weight—

“I'm not leaving you, Lena.” Kara murmurs into her hair, derailing her thoughts. Soft but firm, so certain and sure, like she's never even considered that an option.

“I’m here for you. I'm not going anywhere.”

Lena _breaks_.

That desperate sob finally escapes the confines of her chest, and its the first of many because now that she's started she doesn't seem to know how to stop. And Lena – she doesn't cry, not like this, but the heavy burden of her doubts and insecurities threatens to crush her. She's drunk and unstable, and she can't stop the tears from flowing freely.

Lena throws her arms around Kara's neck and grips her fingers desperately in her cape, sobbing heavily against her neck. Kara's hold around her waist just tightens, holding her impossibly close.

She rubs soothing strokes down her back and just holds her while Lena cries harder than she ever has into her embrace, whispering words of comfort into her hair.

Lena doesn't know how long how long they stand there like that for; Kara letting her fall apart in her arms, Lena clinging to her desperately. Still not believing that she hasn't left yet, hasn't pushed her away in disgust.

Eventually, the tears subside, leaving her feeling drained. Her vice grip on Kara's cape loosens, but she doesn't let go. She presses her face further into Kara's neck.

“Do you still want me to go?” Kara asks timidly, arms cinching her tighter into the embrace all the while. Kara's never been subtle; it's clear she doesn't want her to say yes. And Lena doesn't want to either.

Her throat is tight and scratchy from all the tears, so she just shakes her head, knowing Kara can feel it. Lena feels Kara breathe in deep, feels her chest expand against her own, and waits for her to say more.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Lena's heart stutters. She pulls back just enough to get a good look at Kara's face, to see the uncertainty there. There's something else there too, something that Lena can't quite name but somehow knows, can feel it in herself. Slowly she nods.

“I should probably clean up a bit-” she starts, her voice hoarse, but Kara interrupts her.

“No, you've been here for long enough as it is.” She says sternly, though not unkind. “It can wait.” Lena knows that she's right, so she grabs her purse, making sure she has everything before she lets Kara lead her out onto the balcony.

They both look over the railing at the skyline, lit up even at this hour, the distant noises of the night carrying through the wind to their ears. Idly, she wonders just how much of it Kara can hear. If hearing such a thing would be comforting or distressing.

As subtly as she can, she lets herself take in the woman beside her. She looks over the city with such a melancholy expression, arms folded across her chest, blue eyes sparkling from the lights below. Lena lets her eyes wander over her frame.

Face in profile with her shoulders squared, chin tipped up regally. She's easily the most beautiful girl Lena's ever seen. She trails her eyes over the curve of her waist, to the toned muscles in her arms. She lets them linger on the line of her neck and jaw, and—perhaps a touch too long—on her lips. Red, full, and inviting.

Kara turns towards her then, a soft smile on her lips. Warmth blooms and spreads through Lena's chest and she stumbles a little bit trying to take a step forward.

Kara is there instantly, hands at her hips to keep her steady. If anything it just makes her wobble more.

“I think it's time I took you home,” she teases quietly, that pretty mouth of hers stretching into a grin. Lena doesn't trust herself to speak anymore, not with Kara in such close proximity, so she just settles for a quick nod.

They stand there in the charged silence of the moment for a beat, Lena not wanting to move away with Kara's hands firmly on her hips. Kara's grin slowly morphs into that soft smile from earlier, making Lena's stomach flip. After a moment Lena realizes that Kara taking her home means Kara _carrying_ her home, _flying_ her home, and she pales.

Kara must realize the problem too, because she shifts a bit awkwardly, hands dropping to her sides. Lena immediately misses the contact but doesn't say anything.

“Is it okay if I...?” Kara trails off, making vague hand gestures towards Lena. It takes her a minute to get what Kara's saying, her hand gestures way too erratic to be clearly deciphered, but she gets there.

“Oh.” Lena breathes out, nervously wringing her hands together. “Yes-yes, of course.”

More gently than she thought possible, Kara lifts her into her arms and cradles her against her chest. Without thinking, she wraps her arms around Kara's shoulders and lets her forehead rest in the crook of her neck.

If Kara notices how fast her heart is beating, she's too polite to say anything.

“Are you ready?” Kara whispers softly against the crown of her hair, grip tightening on Lena's waist and her thighs. She tenses, fingers digging hard into Kara's shoulders before nodding. If there's anyone she trusts to get her home safely, it's Kara. Even if it means flying.

Kara's body coils and tenses underneath Lena's finger tips, and then they're airborne. At first she ducks her head into Kara's neck, too afraid to look down at the city below them, her fear of flying and of heights rearing its head and making itself known.

But Kara's grip around her is solid and warm, and she can feel her steady heartbeat from where her forehead rests against her skin. Slowly, she peeks her eyes open.

The view from her office balcony—hell, even the impressive view from her penthouse apartment—could never measure up to something like this. Nothing could compare to the sight spread out below them, the lights of the city twinkling like flecks of gold, shimmering and alive in the night.

Lena gasps in awe. Kara chuckles lightly in her ear, and Lena turns to see her friend looking at her with an expression so fond and affectionate she forgets how to breathe. She forgets that they're floating thousands of feet up in the air with National city gleaming bright and brilliant below and all around them. In that moment, it's just her and Kara.

She smiles warmly at the blonde, dragging one hand from around her neck to splay against the arch of her cheek. Kara leans into the touch.

“It's beautiful up here,” Lena murmurs, eyes flickering to Kara's lips. Kara's breath hitches in her chest.

“I-um-yeah!” Kara stutters out, eyes never leaving Lena's.

It would be easy, Lena thinks. To just lean forward and capture Kara's lips in a kiss. With the whiskey still flowing through her veins she'd have the courage actually do it.

She pauses. Lena thinks about the state that Kara found her in, the weight of tonight's confessions and turns her gaze back to the city beneath their hovering feet.

No, Kara deserves better than what she has to offer. Despite how much she wants it, she will _always_ have Kara's best interest in mind. And Lena knows that _she_ is so far from what's best.

The trip back to Lena's apartment is in silence. An easy silence, but silence all the same. When Kara finally does touch down on ground again, they're on Lena's apartment balcony.

Kara seems reluctant to put her down on the ground at first, hesitating a moment before very carefully setting her down. The ground is freezing under her bare feet, and she shivers at the cold before turning back to her friend.

Kara is back to worrying her lip between her teeth, the wind tousling through her hair. They stand opposite each other, Kara's back towards the skyline, staring at Lena with a question in her eyes.

She wonders if it would be too much too soon, to ask what Kara seems to be begging her to say. It's a bad idea, especially considering the fact that she's still far too drunk to really think this through, but Kara's never been good for her self control even when sober, so it's really not fair to blame it _all_ on the whiskey.

“Do you want to come inside?” It must be the right thing to say, what she was hoping to hear, because Kara's eyes are practically sparkling when she nods a yes. Lena's breath catches in her throat. She turns abruptly to unlock the patio door, cursing herself as she stumbles a bit at the action. She is _Lena Luthor_. The CEO of a billion dollar company. She graduated from university when she was seventeen. She can take apart an engine and reassemble it in record time.

And yet, she can't even keep pull herself together in front of a pretty girl.

Kara seems oblivious to her internal panic, and is patiently waiting for Lena to usher them inside, hands folded together behind her back.

After a minute of drunken fumbling, Kara fortunately—and much to Lena's embarrassment—takes pity on her. She gently takes the key from Lena's trembling fingers and unlocks the sliding door in a single, smooth motion. Ever polite and considerate, she waits for Lena to enter the apartment first before following, closing the door behind her.

The apartment is dark and quiet, the silence over the room sitting heavily, neither willing to break it just yet. The only light comes from the balcony windows, its gentle glow turning Kara into a silhouette before her, all broad shoulders and firm curves in the low light.

Before her alcohol addled brain can get too sentimental on her, she reaches for the lamp on the end table beside the couch. It's light doesn't really do much or reach very far, but it's better than nothing. Lena tosses her purse carelessly onto the couch and runs a nervous hand over her hair.

The silence has grown stifling, and Lena is desperate to break it.

“Thank you,” she breathes, taking in Kara's features in the dim glow of the apartment. Kara's eyes have yet to leave her face, and Lena squirms.

“You don't need to thank me, Lena,” Kara murmurs, carefully closing the distance between them to stand in front of her. “I'm glad I can be here for you.” Lena's eyes flicker back and forth between Kara's. Wondering—and not for the first time—what Kara could possibly see in her to look at her like _that_. The expression she still had trouble discerning.

“I'm glad you can be here, too.”

Kara rocks back on her heels, another nervous habit Lena's noticed, before ducking her head slightly.

“I should probably go-” That is the opposite of what Lena wants to hear, but she can understand how Kara came to the conclusion that leaving was best. After all, she's just been standing here, staring at her dumbly for an embarrassingly long time.

“No.” Lena insists, a bit _too_ vehemently, if the way Kara's eyes widen is any indication. “I,” she takes a steadying breath, “I want you to stay.”

Carefully, Kara nods. Lena nods a few times herself, because this is real, this is happening. Kara's been here plenty of times, too many to count, but she's never stayed over before. This is new. Unfamiliar, but she's sure she can work with it.

She gestures for Kara to follow after her and takes a few unsteady steps towards the bedroom. A warm hand settles on Lena's waist and she tries not to shudder at the contact. Kara's only trying to keep her steady, of course.

Painfully aware of the fingers still on her waist, she takes the remaining steps to her bedroom as quickly as she can while inebriated. Kara stays close, just a few inches away, and Lena can feel the heat radiating off of her body, heady and inviting.

Lena tries to squash the thoughts that come with the motion of ushering Kara into her bedroom, quickly moving to the dresser beside her bed. She rummages through it for a moment before pulling out a pair of sweats, an old t-shit and a set of her own pajamas.

She holds the t-shirt and sweats out to Kara gingerly, afraid of scaring her off, of showing exactly how badly she wants, no, _needs_ her to stay. Kara takes them from her hands carefully.

“I’m just going to go clean up and change.” She looks around the room, taking in the minimalistic space that is her bedroom. “You can wait for me to finish and change in the bathroom, or just... change here, I guess?” She hates how unsure she sounds, how unsettled this whole situation has made her. But she has to power through it, for Kara’s sake if nothing else.

Kara gives her a quick once over before nodding. Lena can feel her eyes on her as she pads her way to the bathroom and tries not to stumble.

The second she steps into the bathroom she pulls her hair out of its tight bun, feeling a bit of the tension seep out of her shoulder as she does so. The next thing to go are her stockings, then the tight fitted pencil skirt. Each article of clothing gone is like breaking down a wall, exposing herself more and more, letting the mask of _“Lena, L-Corp CEO_ _and_ _business tycoon”_ fade into something more real. Something in between the young innocent girl she once was and the woman she now has to be, the one who knows the cruelty of the world all too well.

Kara’s seen glimpses of this side of her, of course. If she’s being completely honest she’s seen a lot more than that, but Lena so rarely lets her guard down nowadays it’s become habit to keep these things locked away, bottled up tightly in her chest. Her clothes, her make-up: all of it helps her keep up with the role she’s forced to play. The part that’s been thrust upon her by an unloving family and a city who believes nothing the worst in her.

But here, in front of Kara now, she’s going to let herself just... be. Lena’s tired of pretending, and wonders if Kara gets tired of it too. Acting out the many roles that she has to in order to survive in this city, in this world.

She slips carefully into her sleep clothes, worn and comfortable, before looking her reflection dead in the eye.

Lena looks tired and weary. There’s something else there though, something that she rarely ever catches herself feeling anymore. It's light in her eyes, a hope that shines through the weight of everything.

The makeup is the next to go. She wipes it off thoroughly, letting the last of her walls fall down. Lena bites her lip and closes her eyes, steeling herself before walking out into her bedroom to face Kara. No masks this time.

Kara’s already changed. She stands to the side of Lena's king sized bed, arms folded lightly across her chest. Lena tries not to notice the bubbly feeling that swells up in her chest at the sight of Kara Danvers wearing her clothes. She fails miserably. She shakes herself, focusing on the more important issue at hand.

“We should talk.” Lena whispers, walking towards the bed carefully. She knows that despite the distance between them Kara will hear her loud and clear. Kara’s expression grows concerned, a crinkle forming between her eyebrows.

“Maybe you should sleep first, you’ve had a rough couple of weeks,” she lowers her voice a bit, “and I don’t want you feeling like you have to talk about it just because I’m here.”

It’s such a Kara thing to say, to be so concerned that Lena might do something that she’s not comfortable with, that she might regret talking about it in the morning so she won’t push the matter. She won’t make Lena reveal anything, wanting to make sure that it’s on her terms when she does. Lena just smiles and shakes her head.

“No, I want to now. I need to, I think,” at Kara’s curious glance, she clarifies. “If I don’t say it now then I’m afraid I’ll never get the nerve to do it again”

Kara softens in understanding, and Lena’s sure that she gets it. Really gets it.

The connection she feels with Kara has always been there. It’s a tangible thing that that reminds her that they may be from different worlds, may be their own people, but they’re achingly similar where it counts.

She contemplates asking Kara beforehand but knows she’ll lose her nerve or somehow manage to make it weird, so she just slides under the covers and rolls onto her back.

Kara takes the hint and follows suit, slipping in beside her, arms brushing under the sheets. They both lie face up, staring at the ceiling, lit up by the light coming in through the windows of Lena’s bedroom. Kara speaks first.

“You had me really worried,” she admits. Lena turns her head to find Kara already watching her softly. Lena’s throat tightens at the words. She never wanted to worry her.

“I’m sorry.” Kara’s eyes trail over her face, and Lena can feels the flush staining her cheeks.

“Don’t be,” Kara assures, “I just... I care about you. I don’t know what I’d do if,” she pauses, breath hitching, “if something happened to you.”

Lena, as per usual, tries to down play the severity of the situation.

“It’s nothing Kara, I just needed a drink after... after everything.” So maybe she doesn’t do as good of a job downplaying it as she’d hoped she would. Something sparks in Kara’s eyes and she shifts closer.

“It’s not nothing, Lena,” she insists, gripping Lena’s hand tightly in her own, “What’s happened to you is... it’s something no one should have to go through. With your family, and everything else.”

Lena’s eyes sting at the mention of the Luthors, and all at once she’s drowning in Lillian’s words again.

 _Lionel_ s _tarted having an affair._

_She was already pregnant with you by then._

_You look so much like her._

_It was like ripping off a bandaid, everyday of my life._

She closes her eyes tightly, willing the voices out of her head. When she opens them again, Kara is still there, waiting for her to speak. Always patient. Maybe it’s time she tells her the truth. Maybe it’ll be okay if she does. She’s held onto this knowledge since it was revealed to her and it’s eating her up from the inside.

“That day, when I went to visit Lillian in prison, she um, she told me something,” she starts, voice low and unsteady. Kara’s brow furrows and she squeezes Lena’s hand tighter.

“I’d always been told- I always thought-” she chokes on the sentence. She doesn’t want to say it out loud, because that means acknowledging it to someone, that means making it real—more real than it already is. But Lena’s made it this far, so she continues.

“They told me, all my life, that I was adopted,” she hears Kara’s sharp intake of breath, surely bracing herself for what comes next, “’Till the day he died even, he never once told me.” Lena shakes her head, mouth twisting bitterly. Kara’s eyes turn sad.

“But I really am a Luthor after all. I’m Lionel Luthor’s daughter. The illegitimate child of a _fucking affair_ ,” she hisses, eyes burning, “All the distance I tried to put between myself and that name, trying to break free of it.” She lets out a hollow laugh. “Now, that’ll never happen.”

Kara mouth drops open slightly, eyes bluer than ever, clearly ready to protest.

“We are who we choose to be, Lena. Our blood ties, our family, they don’t define us.” Kara sounds so sure of it, but Lena isn’t sure of anything anymore. Everything she’s known and thought to be true throughout her life gets taken away and twisted. Lex had loved her. He was a great brother, but that was just a lie too, wasn’t it? You don’t try to kill the people you love.

“I don’t know anymore, Kara. I don’t. I thought I knew a lot of things. But then Lex went insane, and then the brother I love and thought loved me tried to have me killed.” A few tears escape from her eyes now, and she doesn’t bother trying to stop them. “And if it hadn't been for you, he would have succeeded.”

Kara's blinks, watery-eyed and looking just as miserable as Lena feels.

“And _Lillian_ , she-well, she never did treat me well. But there was a moment,” she’s ashamed to admit it but she doesn’t let that stop her, “There was a moment where I wanted to believe her. Believe in her, when she said that she loved me and wanted to-to help me. But she just wanted to help herself, to use me.” The tears are falling faster now, and she feels Kara roll onto her side before she’s pulled into her embrace once again.

She buries her face in Kara’s neck, breathing her in, willing herself to calm down and finish this.

“And my father, he never even thought to tell me once that I was his. He took that secret to his grave, and if it weren’t for my _mother_ ,” the word feels like acid on her tongue, “I still wouldn’t know. Would never know.”

She doesn’t really know how to phrase this, to capture everything she feels in a sentence, to say exactly how lonely she feels. How _unwanted_. Kara’s watching her with sorrow etched into the lines of her face. Lena starts to tremble, the weight of these truths too much for her.

“And I guess that’s just it, isn’t it? My whole life, it feels like a huge lie. I’ve never known who I am, and the people who claimed to love me were really just in it for themselves, _using_ me for their own reasons. But they didn’t really want _me_.” As if she knows who that is, so twisted up in the Luthor name and everyone else’s preconceived notions that she doesn’t get to be just _Lena_ anymore. It’s been so long.

“But maybe there’s nothing there to love, you know? I just... I’m not sure how much of me has survived this. How much is left, or who I am.” she sniffs, fidgeting with the collar of Kara’s borrowed shirt. One last truth sits on her tongue, heavy and ugly and everything she’s ever been taught, been shown to be true in her life. She lets it out.

“Maybe I’m just not worth anything.” It’s a weight off her chest, saying that out loud for the first time, to the one person who just might actually care. The one person who is willing to be here for her, all the time, and never asks for a thing in return. The feeling is both relieving and hollowing.

Kara grips her tighter against herself, tangling their legs together.

“That’s not true,” she says fiercely, fingers twisting in Lena’s hair. “Rao Lena, I’m so sorry they made you feel like that.” Kara pulls back slightly, not enough that they’re separated but enough to look in the eye when she speaks. “You are so good, and so kind and brave and worth _so much more_ than the value others try to place on you. You _matter._ So much,” she stares at Lena, looking nervous before her eyes steel and she’s placing a soft kiss on Lena’s forehead. Lena gasp softly at the sensation.

“You know who you are,” she whispers, lips brushing against her skin, “You are _Lena_. One of the most wonderful, _good_ people I’ve had the privilege of knowing. You are your own person. Your family can _never_ take that away from you.”

Lena’s heart is pounding loudly in her ears, because this is _Kara_ , and Kara has never done anything but believe in her. She’s always given her the benefit of the doubt, always been on her side and Lena doesn’t get it, still can’t comprehend it. But oh how she _wants_ to.

“How do you have so much faith in me? How is that possible?” Because she really just doesn’t get it, she has to ask. Has to understand.

Kara is quiet for a long time, rubbing soothing strokes across Lena’s back.

She’s almost given up hope on getting an answer when Kara finally speaks up, her voice small and soft.

“When I told you that night in your office that I knew what it was like to be disillusioned by your parents, I meant it.” Lena remembers the night clearly, bristling at Kara’s accusations, Kara looking broken and exhausted as she told her to leave.

She remembers her saying that too, though she hadn’t given it much thought at the time. Kara is tense against her.

“The virus. The one you stopped, it was... it was made by my father. Back on Krypton.” Lena slides one her arms around Kara’s back, gabbing at her shirt and pulling their bodies closer in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. “So it would have been my family’s doing if the virus was spread.”

“But Lillian-”

“Just got a hold of the virus,” she smiles sadly, “He was the reason she was able to. They’re both just as guilty.” That unavoidable pull towards Kara tugs in her chest, leaving her aching for the girl in her arms. “And my mother,” she says, voice breaking, “she let my planet, my everything, just _die_. She knew what was happening, and she did nothing to stop it,” Kara blinks back the tears that have been threatening to fall since Lena first started talking, “And I know that there really probably isn’t much she could have done, but she still made that choice. To do nothing.”

Kara sounds so young and vulnerable right now that Lena can’t do anything but hold her as close as she can. Words can’t help this, not with wounds that run this deep. Lena, of all people, knows that much.

“And let’s not get started on my aunt,” Kara continues, laughing a little bit through her tears. It’s not a happy laugh.

The noise breaks something inside Lena, and she puts her free hand on Kara’s cheek.

“Kara, you don’t have to keep going, it’s okay. I know you understand,” She hushes, stroking her thumb over her cheekbone. Kara looks so sad and tired, and Lena can relate on a deep, personal level. She knows everything that Kara is feeling. But then Kara is shaking her head and wiping at her eyes.

“No, no you need to hear this, because I want you to know that you aren’t alone in this,” Lena gives her a real, genuine smile. Ir's a strange contrast to the seriousness of this night, this conversation. For the first time in a long time, Lena feels at peace. Kara looks at her with a mixture of wonder and bafflement in her eyes.

“Kara, it’s clear that this is a really painful memory for you. And you have no idea how much it means to me that you’re willing to share it with me,” she takes a deep breath, “but I already know I’m not alone in this.” Kara’s eyes widen as Lena’s smile grows.

“Even if you hadn’t had similar experiences, if you didn’t know how it felt, I know you’d still be here,” she presses their foreheads together gently, “I know I’m not alone... because I have you.”

Lena doesn’t think she’s ever rendered anyone speechless before, but there’s a first time for everything. Kara’s giving her _that_ look, the one that Lena occasionally sees on her face when she thinks Lena’s not looking. The one she’s been giving her all night.

She’s never understood what it was before now. Now, she gets it; she gets the feeling in her own chest, the quick and steady beat of her heart in Kara’s presence.

It’s love.

Lena’s never been loved before.

Not until Kara Danvers.

Lena’s never really _loved_ before her, either. Not this unconditional thing, this fire that sits in her chest, burning bright and threatening to consume all that she is.

Kara’s full on grinning at her, that huge megawatt smile that only she could pull off while still seeming genuine.

“Yeah,” she murmurs, still grinning brightly, “You do. And you always will. No matter what.”

Lena’s warm all the way down to her toes, basking in the realization that Kara is _here_ , here for _her_ and she’s not going anywhere. Kara’s heard almost everything that Lena’s been afraid to say for so long. The big fears. And rather than scare her away, it’s just brought them closer.

She’s lighter than air, and while she may have a buzz going still this feeling is entirely separate from that. It’s just... _Kara_.

Lena ducks her head and nuzzles Kara’s shoulder, sighing contently. Kara’s arms hold her firmly against her chest.

“Thank you.” Kara whispers, kissing her hair. Lena smiles into her shoulder.

“I should be thanking _you_ , Kara,” Lena says, amused. Kara laughs breathily.

“I just mean, I know how hard it can be to share things like that. To say them out loud,” she shrugs, “It means a lot to me that you were willing to talk about everything.” Lena melts at the words. Kara is too good, too kind and considerate, how can someone like her even exist? She’s glad that she does, more than she could ever say.

“I like talking to you,” she admits quietly, voice muffled by Kara’s shirt. “You make it easy.” Kara’s fingers card softly through her hair as she hums quietly.

The silence that settles over the room is one of comfort, a feeling of safety that wraps around them like a blanket. Comforting and secure in the dark of this room, in the hushed confessions and revelations of this night.

Her eyes start to drift close, Kara’s ridiculous body temperature making her drowsy. She struggles against it for a bit, wanting to stay in this moment for as long as possible.

As if sensing what she’s doing—come to think of it, maybe she _can_ sense what she’s doing—Kara chuckles, a low sound in the back of her throat.

“Sleep, Lena,” she teases, “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Lena mock scowls into her shoulder before sighing in defeat as Kara laughs again. It's not like she can stay awake for much longer anyways.

“Goodnight, Kara,” she mutters, eyes glued firmly shut. She’s succumbing to sleep’s hold fast, barely feeling it when Kara brushes her hair gently behind her ear.

“Goodnight, Lena.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After watching "Luthors" I had to, Lena's been through way too much and she deserves a good cry damn it. That and the parallels between them, I just had to have them talk about it! The potential is too great here, the writers are really missing out!
> 
> The next part will be a lot lighter now that we've gotten the heavy stuff out of the way!
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr! @lady-hircine or my side blog, @lenaaaluthor


	2. You're all I need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always been something there, something that Lena knew was more than friendship. She'd never dared to hope for anything to come out of it because life was never that kind to her, as proven time and time again. But then again, Kara's always been the exception to all the rules Lena's carefully placed in her life, right from the start.

Lena’s eyes open groggily that morning to the sun streaming in through the large windows of her bedroom, blinking harshly from the bright light. She must have forgotten to close the blinds before she fell asleep.

Groaning, she puts a hand over her eyes to stop it from blinding her. Her head is absolutely pounding and her mouth feels like its been stuffed full of cotton, and, to top it all off, it’s _ridiculously_ hot.

 _Kara_ is ridiculously hot.

She’s liable to get heat stroke at this rate.

Feebly, she struggles a bit, reaching behind her for the remote on her bedside table. That will at least shut the blinds, but it’s a difficult task while also trying not to disturb her bed mate.

Her fingers are just grazing against the remote when Kara’s unconscious grip on her body tightens, pulling her closer to her and further from her goal. She nuzzles her face into Lena’s hair, snoring lightly, huffing sleep heavy breaths against her.

And really, Lena’s helpless. Hungover and disoriented, she doesn’t stand a chance against Kara’s iron grip around her. Huffing, she relinquishes herself to Kara’s hold and tries her best to ignore the sun streaming in.

Besides, it would be a crime to disturb that sleeping face. Lena looks at her fondly, trying her best to memorize every detail.

Even though she hopes it won’t be the last time she has the privilege of seeing it, she also doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

Kara looks at peace, an expression that rarely graces her features when she’s awake. Lena’s seen the grief in her eyes, seen the weight of the worlds that she carries weighing down on her shoulders. It's something that she clearly tries her best to hide, something that she doesn't want other people to see, but Lena knows the telltale signs. The weight of a legacy is crushing.

It becomes even more obvious when she's Supergirl, allowed to be the young alien girl trying to deal with the loss of a world, of a culture. Of, well, everything.

Even at her brightest, there’s always a sort of underlying melancholy in her eyes. A depth that speaks of someone who has seen far more in their lifetime than anyone should.

If she can help afford this girl even a moment of peace—if there’s a way Lena can bear the brunt of the weight instead—she’ll do it in a heartbeat.

After all, how many times has Kara offered to shoulder her burdens, help her carry the weight of the Luthor name and all the hate and vitriol that comes with it?

She traces a light finger over the arch of Kara’s brow, lingering on the scar there before trailing down her cheek, her jawline.

Kara mumbles something incoherent in her sleep and pulls Lena closer, fists curling into the fabric of her shirt. Lena smiles, putting a gentle hand in Kara’s hair and guiding her head to rest against her collarbone.

Kara hums softly, and Lena can feel the vibration of it reverberate through her chest.

Slowly, she runs her fingers through Kara’s hair, watching her gold curls slips through her fingers with awe.

Last night comes to the forefront of her mind. Kara’s tear streaked face, those impossibly blue eyes watching her sadly, her own broken voice speaking quietly into the night.

It was draining, but such a necessary moment.

The knowledge of her parentage, Lillian's words, everything related to her family life was festering within her like a disease. She needed to get it out of her system or she'd never move on, never recover.

The sunrise pouring into the room feels like a new beginning, somehow. Her words last night stripped her bare, and while leaving her vulnerable they’ve also given her some semblance of inner peace. The turmoil she always feels deep within herself has calmed to something more manageable.

She knows it’ll never go away fully, not really. Just like she knows Kara will forever bear the weight of her own pain as well. But with the support of each other, Lena likes to think that they can make it more manageable. Something less all consuming, less unbearable.

If last night is any indication, Lena _knows_ they can.

Kara shifts in her sleep, face pressing closer against Lena’s chest, lips brushing against the skin there. Lena’s breath hitches.

She should probably wake her up. It’s Saturday, so she’s going off the assumption that Kara doesn’t have work to do at CatCo, but she could have something Supergirl related going on.

She could have plans. Lena would feel absolutely sick if she was the reason Kara missed out on something prearranged or important. She makes up her mind.

“Kara,” she says quietly, because yes she’s waking her up but she doesn’t want to startle her awake. She tugs softly on her hair and tries again. “Kara, do you have anywhere you need to be today?”

Kara grumbles something into her skin, face scrunching up in what Lena’s sure is her trademark pout. No one can withstand that pout.

Lena knows from first hand experience; she’s tried.

Grinning, she pulls back despite Kara’s complaints. And, sure enough, she’s on the receiving end of an absolutely devastating pout. Her heart skips a beat.

 _Fucking adorable_.

“Why are we awake?” Kara whines. Smiling, because Kara is just too cute for her own good, Lena shakes her head.

“I just needed to be sure that I wasn’t keeping you from something important _before_ I let you sleep the day away,” She says with a smirk, “Also, did you know that you emit the heat of a small sun?”

Kara ducks her head and blushes brightly, looking a little nervous as she fidgets with Lena’s pyjama top.

“I have an elevated core temperature here on earth, okay?” she sniffs, a little indignant, a little embarrassed. Lena just laughs it off. She runs a reassuring hand down Kara’s arm, gripping her wrist surely.

“It’s alright Kara, just a little warm. We’ll have to keep that in mind for next time.” Kara’s eyes dart to hers, mouth slowly spreading into a devious smile. Lena is immediately suspicious.

“Next time, huh?” she says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Now it’s Lena’s turn to blush.

Mostly she’s just glad to be back to their usual banter. Last night’s breakdown was long overdue, but its was definitely out of her comfort zone. This is much more familiar.

She stutters and stumbles, trying to come up with a witty retort without success. She settles for a scoff, muttering ‘ _shut up_ ’ quietly under her breath. The fact that Kara can fluster her so easily with such a simple comment is incredibly exasperating, not to mention unfair.

Kara’s smile turns triumphant, but she doesn’t let Lena flounder any longer than necessary.

“And to answer your earlier question, no. As far as I know I’m all yours for the day.” Lena likes the sound of that.

Kara must realize the implications of her words, because her eyes widen and she’s quick to rectify. “That is—well, I mean, if you want me to stay, I-I didn’t mean to assume...” She trails off helplessly, practically begging Lena to come to her rescue with her expression.

Lena softens at her panic, willing to give her a break even if Kara _was_ the one who started the teasing in the first place.

She’s really starting to lose her edge, damn it. She blames Kara. It’s definitely entirely her fault.

“Of course I want you to stay, Kara,” Lena assures quietly, smoothing her thumb over Kara’s wrist.

Kara’s lips part as her eyes widen, and she lets out a shaky breath. Lena continues to trace meaningless patterns on her skin, feeling her pulse quicken under her touch.

The more awake Kara gets, the more Lena can see a crinkle forming on her face. She can hazard a guess as to why that might be; she’s also remembering the night before. They talked about so much really, but Lena knows there's only one reason why Kara would be looking at her like that.

Kara gnaws absently on her lip for a moment.

“Are you okay with... with-”

“You being Supergirl?” Lena finishes, already knowing where this is going. They’re back to unfamiliar territory once more. Lena tries her best to tread lightly.

“Yeah,” Kara says, letting out a sharp breath, “I just—we talked about so much last night that I never really-we didn’t...” Kara groans and Lena rubs a calming hand down her arm, hoping to sooth away her frustration.

“It’s okay Kara, really,” Kara looks hopeful but not completely convinced. “I’ve known for a long time now, you aren’t exactly subtle,” She’s aiming for light teasing but it falls flat. Kara, always polite, smiles anyway, but the crease on her forehead doesn’t smooth.

“It’s just that last night you seemed really hurt that I didn’t tell you sooner,” she says quietly, “and I want to make sure you’re okay before we just, you know, move on or forget about it.” Really, it’s not untrue. A fair assumption to make, especially considering how she’d acted.

She had been hurt, but she'd never wanted Kara to know that. Lena knows the blonde's penchant for feeling responsible for the feelings of others, and she'd wanted to avoid that at all costs.

Inwardly, she curses her drunken self.

She’d never wanted to push Kara into revealing herself, it’s why she played along with the whole Supergirl facade so well. It’s why Lena never said anything when she slipped up in their many conversations as both Kara and Supergirl, because it was clearly by accident. This was something Kara needed to be ready to share.

Lena wouldn’t have even pushed last night if Kara had denied it. It would have been obvious that she didn’t believe her, but she wouldn’t have pushed.

“Kara it’s not that really, it’s just...” She pauses, because she needs to get this right on the first try or Kara won’t believe her on the second. “After everything I found out about my past, it was easy for me to think that maybe the reason you hadn’t told me yet was because-”

“You’re a Luthor,” Kara finishes, understanding. Lena sighs.

“Yeah... and I didn’t want to be hurt, I knew you had your reasons, but there was a part of me that just... wouldn’t let it go.” The blonde looks thoughtful for a moment, eyes darting to the headboard before settling back on Lena.

“It’s not, you know.” Kara says, like it’s that simple when Lena _knows_ that it isn’t. It had to be a factor, however small. She doesn't blame Kara one bit for that, but it's the truth.

“It’s alright if it was Kara, we talked about this,” Lena assures, ready to change the subject but Kara isn’t having it.

“I mean it,” she insists, eyes blazing, “I know I already told you it was to protect you, and while that’s true, there’s a bit more to it than that,” Lena holds her breath as Kara holds her gaze, “Lena, you mean so much to me, and I was afraid to tell you because-because I thought that me keeping something so big from you for so long would ruin what we had,” She blurts out quickly. Lena’s heart clenches painfully at the thought.

“Kara, I would _never_ let that happen.”

“I know, I know, it’s just that I didn’t want to risk it. I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you.” She casts her eyes downward, ashamed. “I’m sorry. That was selfish of me.” Lena’s already shaking her head because she absolutely refuses to let Kara do this to herself.

“Kara, no. Just no.” Kara looks back at her, confused. Lena laughs shortly. “You’re allowed to be selfish, and keeping this from me didn’t hurt anyone.”

Kara frowns.

“But it did, you were hurt-” Lena cuts her off.

“And those are my feelings and I have to deal with them.” She says, voice firm. “This secret isn’t something light, Kara. Lives are at stake.” Lena softens a bit, not wanting to be harsh about this. “ _Your_ life is at stake. You tell people when you deem it safe, when you think it’s necessary and not a moment before.” Kara’s eyes are wide and a little too bright, meeting Lena’s hard expression, “And if you weren’t ready to tell me then well _that’s_ okay because I would wait just about _forever_ for you, Kara Danvers.” She finishes, chest heaving with the effort it took to get all of that out in the open.

Lena knows. She knows what it’s like to pretend to be someone else for your own safety—her last name, growing up gay—she won’t let Kara feel bad about this. Opening up, revealing a part of yourself that you keep hidden from everyone almost everyday—that’s hard.

Yes, she _was_ hurt, but last night she wasn’t exactly at her best. And deep down, she knew Kara wanted to tell her. Kara's not responsible for her own insecurities. Lena can get over it.

Kara’s just lying there, blinking at her with an indecipherable expression on her face. Lena doesn’t know if what she said is okay, but it’s what she felt. What she feels.

And the feeling of Kara’s lips pressing softly and insistently against her own is entirely unexpected. Her heart feels like its about to burst as she kisses back, trying to convey everything she's feeling through it.

It’s not a perfect kiss by any means; it’s messy, their movements almost unsure. Lena’s trembling a bit too much, and Kara’s not faring much better. But it’s sweet, and it’s sincere; the feeling behind it means more than anything else ever could.

It tastes like love. The affection catches in Lena’s chest, overwhelming her in its intensity. She's not sure what to do with this; she's used to controlling the situation, used to taking charge in relationships and dating, in sex. Lena's used to the dating game, making every move deliberately and planning ahead. She's used to high class dates and a fuck, at best. At worst, someone trying to start a tabloid scandal. There's never been something like this.

Her romantic life has always been something akin to chess; she needs to make all the right moves or she loses big time.

But Kara's not playing a game, she doesn't want anything that Lena could give her. She doesn't want the name, the money, the fame, the scandal.

This kiss doesn't fit in with her usual narrative. Kara doesn't fit, or maybe that's just it: Kara fits in all the ways Lena never knew she needed but desperately wanted, in ways that she never thought would get to be hers.

There's always been _something_ there, something that Lena knew was more than friendship. She'd never dared to hope for anything to come out of it because life was never that kind to her, as proven time and time again. But then again, Kara's always been the exception to all the rules Lena's carefully placed in her life, right from the start.

For all it's flaws, it’s the best first kiss Lena’s ever had. Perfectly imperfect.

It feels like Kara.

Kara pulls back first, pressing a light kiss to Lena’s nose before settling comfortably into the blankets.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.” She sighs, a sweet smile on her lips. Lena grins.

“Oh yeah?”

Playfully rolling her eyes, Kara shoves at her shoulder. Lena sobers, not wanting to give her the wrong impression.

“Me too,” she admits softly, watching as Kara’s expression turns from playful to tender in seconds.

It’s all too much, the adoration in Kara’s eyes, sitting in her chest and making her squirm under it’s weight. She wants this; desperately, she wants this. But she’s inexperienced with this, and she can’t stand just how bright it feels yet. It’s too much too soon, she needs to get away for a moment to collect herself.

She needs to get up, to think. She needs to take a step back.

“Now that we’ve gotten that cleared up...” She says, playing at light and ignoring the way Kara watches her questioningly.

Quickly, she places a fleeting kiss on Kara’s cheek before rolling away from her and out of bed, putting a bit of space between them.

Lena stretches her arms over her head, feeling her joints pop back into place as she groans. She really needs to stop drinking so much in one sitting.

She turns to find Kara still sprawled on her bed, and she likes the sight more than she cares to admit. Her heart thuds painfully in her chest. She really needs that step back right about now.

Kara’s eyes look pleading, big and blue, playing at sad.

“You really want to get up now?” She sulks, “We barely slept at all.” Lena sighs and puts her hands on her hips. She’s making this harder than it needs to be.

“If we do, we can make breakfast.” If there’s one person can say with certainty she knows well, it’s Kara. And Kara isn’t someone who turns down food, no matter the time of day.

Honestly, if the poor disguise hadn’t given her away, her massive appetite absolutely would have. No human could pack away the amount of food Kara does in one sitting and still manage to look like _that_.

Kara sits up in a flash, face lighting up a the idea of eating. Lena doesn’t even try to hide her snort.

She sends a playful glare her way, scooting to the edge of the bed before standing up directly in front of Lena.

Without her usual heels, Kara’s a few inches taller, so Lena's looking up at her. She can't help but notice how good she looks, She doesn’t have time to say or think anything else before she’s caught up in a warm hug.

It’s not unlike the embraces they shared last night, all with equal meaning, equal care. But this morning it’s light, more comfortable. Kara’s hold on her is relaxed in it’s lazy, warm feeling, in the way her fingers trace lightly down Lena’s spine.

Like they have all the time in the world. Like they could stand here like this all day.

Lena really hopes that Kara meant it when she said for the day.

“How are you feeling?” Kara asks, pulling back slightly and nudging Lena’s forehead with her own.

“With you here? I’m great,” she breathes, taken aback by just how honest the statement is. She hesitates, afraid its might be too much. She's not sure how to pace this, if there's a pace, if there's some sort of unwritten code that she doesn't know about that she's breaching by giving away too much personal information in such a short time frame.

But Kara just blushes and smiles bashfully, making Lena’s heart flutter at the lovely pink that spreads across Kara’s cheeks.

She’s not sure how much more of Kara being unintentionally adorable she can handle before she combusts or does something royally stupid and risky.

Her eyes lock with Kara’s, and she can see them flick to her lips.

And here’s the thing: Lena’s not normally such a perfectionist. Okay, maybe that’s stretching the truth a bit but. But. Normally she wouldn’t care about how she looks because it's Kara and Kara wouldn't judge her for anything. It’s just that she’s dishevelled and hasn’t even brushed her teeth yet.

Lena has her own personal standards to meet.

She rocks forward and presses a light kiss against Kara’s lips before quickly stepping back. Kara jolts, hands flying up to adjust glasses that aren’t there before rubbing at the back of her neck.

They stare at each other for a moment, cheeks flaming.

“Breakfast.” Lena says quickly, breaking the silence and trying to dispel the awkwardness. She needs to get a grip. Kara laughs, her over the top laugh she only does when she’s really nervous.

Lena wonders when she became such an expert on the many facets of one Kara Danvers. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t mind.

Lena’s not really sure what they’re doing at this point, what to call it. It’s clear by the way her eyes flit about the room as though she’s not sure where it’s okay for her to look that Kara’s having an equally as difficult time.

The sound of Kara’s stomach growling makes itself known. Kara laughs for real this time and Lena joins her, before excusing herself to the washroom, while letting Kara know she’s free to use the other bathroom in the apartment to freshen up if she wants to.

The damage isn’t too bad. For hungover and awake after only a few hours sleep after a night of crying, she looks pretty damn good. All things considered, at least.

Still, she does what she can, running a brush quickly through her hair, washing her face and finally brushing her teeth before she deems herself presentable once more.

She finds Kara in the kitchen making coffee with Lena’s ridiculously expensive machine—something that Kara has teased her about endlessly.

Lena’s struck by the sudden thrill of the sight of Kara, in her clothes, standing in her kitchen, making coffee the morning after staying the night. Her stomach does a little flip and she smiles shyly as Kara turns towards her with a grin.

“And here I thought you said my coffee maker was ‘overkill’ and ‘ridiculous.’” Lena quips, raising an eyebrow in a challenge. Kara rolls her eyes and fixes her with a knowing look.

“I stand by that statement, thank you very much,” she teases, before sighing, “Though, I _suppose,_ ” she shoots the coffee maker a look, “that it does make pretty decent coffee.” Lena steps into the kitchen to join her, stretching up to open one her her many cabinets and pulling out a series of ingredients while grinning triumphantly.

“I knew you’d see it my way, Ms. Danvers,” she says conspiratorially, sending Kara a wink and enjoying her blush and laughter as she sets out the ingredients for pancakes down on the island counter.

“Still not as good as Noonan’s, though!” Kara counters, leaning forward in defiance, a sparkle in her eye. Lena just sticks her tongue out at her, and Kara’s laughing again, stance dropping into something more relaxed as she leans against the counter.

Lena eyes the stockpile before her, debating whether it’s enough to sate the appetite of a hungry Kryptonian. She’s seen Kara devour multiple pizzas—not slices, but _whole_ pizzas—in one sitting before. Just pancakes probably won’t be enough.

She hears Kara’s stomach growl again and chuckles.

Make that definitely won’t be enough. Lena taps a finger against her chin in thought.

“Kara, be a dear and grab me the skillet, would you?” Kara huffs, feigning annoyance and does as she’s asked. As she bends down to get it, Lena’s eyes linger on her backside for far longer than they should.

Shaking her head at herself she returns to the matter at hand, walking over to the fridge and opening it, leaning down to check what she has.

Since Kara is a frequent guest at her apartment, especially as of late, she always keeps it well stocked.

Kara had been embarrassed by her appetite at first, but unable to hide it since her stomach usually—and very loudly—gave her away. Lena had laughed at the betrayed look the blonde had directed at it a the time, before waving off her apologies and finding the poor girl something to eat.

At that point she’d already figured out that Kara and Supergirl were one and the same. Which meant the amount of food that Kara consumed was something she realized that she would need to consider. After that, she made sure to always have something available in case Kara dropped by.

She grabs two packets of bacon out of the fridge, along with orange juice and other ingredients before nudging the door closed with her hip.

Kara’s already plugged in the skillet and is starting on the mix when Lena bumps her hip with her own.

Realistically she knows that it would have no effect on Kara whatsoever, but Kara’s been playing the human game for so long that she feigns a stumble. She turns to Lena, mouth open in shock and eyes narrowed before grabbing a pinch of flour and flicking it directly in Lena’s face.

Lena’s jaw drops.

“You did not just do that.” she splutters, quickly wiping at her face, grinning despite herself.

Kara takes a step forward into her space, hands on her hips and looking more than a little cocky.

“I did.” She affirms, poking at the light dusting on Lena’s cheek with a smirk. Lena glares at her, trying not to laugh. Kara tips her chin up, a glint in her eye.

“What are _you_ gonna do about it?”

_Oh, it’s on now._

Lena grabs a handful of the half made, dry mix and blows it in the blonde's face before she can react properly. Kara lets out a loud squeal, and, next thing Lena knows they’re in a full blown flour fight.

Kara’s grabbed a frying pan and is using it as a shield. Lena’s stepped up her game and grabbed a towel, whacking at Kara with it when she gets too close and using it as a makeshift shield when necessary.

In a well placed whip, she hits Kara’s butt, much to her friend’s despair. Lena revels in her blush; she looks properly scandalized as Lena smirks at her.

In retaliation, Kara somehow manages to get a fist full of flour down the front of Lena’s shirt. And the look of pride on her face as she does it—that’s just. So Kara. She’s never seen her friend so smug about something before, and it figures that it would be over something as silly as this.

The whole thing is completely ridiculous and childish.

It’s also the most fun Lena’s had in ages, the most she’s let herself go since she was little. Or maybe ever, really.

She and Kara are laughing loudly and freely, covered head to toe in flour and grinning like idiots with their makeshift shields in hand.

They’re at an impasse, crouched at opposite ends of the counter top, staring each other down across it.

“Give it up!” Kara taunts, putting her frying pan down and gripping the counter with both hands.

“Never!” Lena smirks. She blinks and Kara is beside her, grabbing the towel out of her hand and throwing it down.

“Oh come on, that’s not _fair_!” Lena protests, taking a step back as Kara advances on her with a wolfish grin. Lena’s back hits the fridge and she’s cornered.

“Who said anything about war being fair?” she scoffs, gleefully raising up her arm dropping a handful of flour all over Lena’s head.

Scrunching her eyes up tight to avoid getting any in her eyes, she huffs dramatically. Instantly regretting opening her eyes too soon, she blinks rapidly in an attempt to rid them of the dust.

Kara pins her arms to her sides. Lena struggles halfheartedly, knowing that if she really struggled that Kara would let her go instantly. She really doesn’t want that. At all.

“I’m not hearing a surrender,” Kara sings, leaning forward until their noses are practically touching.

Kara’s face is ridiculously close. So close that she can see all it’s pretty details, down to the last freckle. She can see the dusting of flour across her cheeks, the pretty blush staining her neck. Her eyes are wide and dancing with delight, crinkled at the edges in mirth. Lena’s eyes dart down to her lips.

Kara’s not the only one who can play dirty.

Lena surges forward in a sudden burst of confidence, capturing Kara’s mouth in a searing kiss. Kara’s stiffens in surprise, and she feels her gasp rather than hears it.

The surprise only lasts a second, because then Kara’s grip on her arms releases and she’s tangling her fingers in Lena’s hair.

And even though they’ve already kissed this morning, Lena can’t help the surprise she feels because _Kara is kissing her back_.

Sure, before today she’d thought that Kara might be interested but believing and experiencing it first hand are two completely separate things.

The involuntary whimper she lets out as she grabs at Kara’s hips and pulls her closer is slightly embarrassing, but who can blame her?

 _She’s kissing Kara Danvers_. Like, _really_ kissing.

All logical thought goes out the window when Kara deepens the kiss, fingers tightening in her hair, intent on pulling Lena as close as possible. The mood shifts at the action, the tone of the kiss turning desperate.

It’s nothing like the kisses they shared in the morning comfort of her bedroom. Those were soft and sweet. This is... something else.

She scratches her nails up under the hem of Kara’s shirt, gasping when Kara’s lips trail down her neck, biting kisses against the skin there.

Lena’s hands continue their path up, splaying against Kara’s shoulder blades, heat pooling low in her belly at the feeling of muscles flexing under her hands.

Her lips suck at Lena’s pulse point in what she’s sure is going to be a mark, but she doesn’t care. Her heart is beating wildly, and Kara is smirking against the skin of her neck. Lena almost groans as Kara’s kissing turn teasingly slow and light.

Frustrated, she drags Kara’s mouth back up to hers, biting hard at her lower lip and digging her fingers into Kara’s back when she moans a little bit in response.

Warm hands have abandoned their grip in her hair and leave a burning trail in their wake as they move down her sides, feather light, only stopping once they reach the underside of her thighs.

Kara’s kisses are bruising, demanding, the warm press of her mouth making Lena’s knees weak. She’s rougher than Lena expected her to be—not that she’d ever complain about that—but there’s still a softness there, sitting just beneath the surface and colouring every move.

She’s a juxtaposition if Lena’s ever known one. Her kisses are biting yet soothing, her grip soft yet firm, lips harsh yet still managing to be sweet.

Lena’s burning up under insistence and surety of Kara’s mouth and hands as she pushes further into her, craving more. Lena responds easily and willingly.

The grip on her thighs tightens, and then Lena’s being lifted up and pressed hard into the door of the fridge, breath stuttering at the feeling of Kara pressed flush against her, of her thighs wrapping around Kara’s hips, Kara standing between legs.

She pushes her hips forward a bit, moving her arms to wrap around Kara’s neck and tugging her insistently closer.

Lena can’t get enough of this kiss, of the feeling of Kara underneath her finger tips, Kara’s lips pressing hot, open mouthed kisses against her own.

The loud, demanding grumble from Kara’s stomach shatters the atmosphere in the apartment.

They both pause.

She pulls back. Both Lena and Kara look down to her stomach, before looking back at each other.

Lena cracks first, bursting into a fit of giggles that quickly morph into full body laughter, Kara’s own laughter joining hers not long after.

Once they’ve finally calmed down, Lena presses a soft, chaste kiss against Kara’s lips, smiling gently as she pull away. In a way, she’s almost glad for the interruption.

While she’s _definitely_ not against the idea of Kara taking her against her refrigerator door, having it happen right after an emotionally high strung night and right after their first kiss? _Probably_ not a great idea. Probably.

She can’t say that she would have wanted to stop otherwise though. Only a little awkwardly, she clears her throat.

“So, about those pancakes...” Lena says slyly. Kara ducks her head sheepishly, laughing as she nods.

“I’m apparently more hungry than I thought,” she says, shrugging helplessly.

Once Lena is on solid ground again, they quickly set to work. Kara’s stomach continues to make its voice heard, increasing it’s volume after each complaint.

Kara blushes a deep red every time it happens, and Lena tries her best to pretend that she doesn’t notice—even though they both know there’s no way she could miss it. Lena’s completely endeared by her.

She lets Kara have flipping duty due to her own insistence, bragging about her skills. Lena raises an eyebrow, but is pleasantly surprised and amused when she realizes the blonde was being serious. She does a series of trick flips—Lena didn’t even realize you _could_ do that with pancakes—that have Lena laughing in delight.

And she even manages not to burn them.

They don’t get as many out of it as Lena had hoped, which makes Kara realize that there were indeed consequences to starting an all out war using the mix ingredients. Dramatically, she laments the loss of the pancakes that could have been.

“Kara, we still got around two-dozen pancakes out of it,” Lena says incredulously. Kara huffs, giving her the ‘ _but you don’t understand_ ’ look, lip jutting out into a pout.

“Yes, but we _could_ have had _more._ ” That pout hits hard, and Lena rolls her eyes but turns to put on the stove anyway.

“Hand me your shield, _Supergirl_ ,” she says sarcastically, pretending to be annoyed even when Kara grins and passes her the frying pan.

“Oh, are you frying the bacon?” She asks, eyes looking intently at it while Lena puts it into the pan. Lena looks at her warily.

“Yes.”

Kara fidgets, biting her lip.

“You know,” she starts, and Lena’s ready to start rolling her eyes, “I’m invulnerable,” she pauses to give Lena a look, “It would probably be safer if I cooked it, you know. Wouldn’t want you getting burned by the grease or anything.”

She’s clearly trying for nonchalant, but Lena knows her too well, and she also didn’t miss the hungry look in Kara’s eyes.

“Thanks, but I’d like to actually _have_ some bacon to set out on the table when we’re done here,” she quips dryly. Kara has the decency to look guilty, muttering something about only wanting to sneak a few pieces. Lena snorts.

She fries up both packets of bacon just in case. Knowing Kara, none of it will go to waste.

When it’s finally finished, she puts the bacon onto a plate, swatting Kara away when she tries to intercept and grab a piece. The pout intensifies and is joined by very convincing puppy-dog eyes. Lena shakes her head with a fond sigh.

“Help me carry it all to the table, you dork,” she laughs, eyeing their mountain of food, “and _then_ you can have as much as you want.”

The plate is suddenly gone from her hands, and in a mere second all of the food plus plates, cutlery and juice has been transferred to the dining area table and set neatly.

Lena’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, feeling a little disoriented at the use of power.

She’s known for a long time now that Kara is an alien, but she’s never seen her use her powers like that in a casual setting before. Lena composes herself quickly, because really it’s not a problem. Just a surprise.

Things like that are definitely going to take some getting used to, but considering that it did just save her time and effort she’s not about to complain.

She walks to the table at a more reasonable pace, noting that Kara already has an overflowing plate.

Kara looks a little bit nervous when Lena sits beside her, her slightly scrunched up nose and signature crinkle betraying her worry. She's always been somewhat of an open book when it comes to her emotions. She’s probably thinking that was too much. As if on cue, she opens her mouth to speak.

“I’m sorry about that, I just got a little excited.” Lena softens, feeling her chest tighten at the worried look on the blonde’s face. Kara probably doesn’t really get the chance to just be herself around other people very often.

With the small number of people that know her secret, it must be nerve wracking opening up like this, letting herself be something other than human.

She reaches up a careful hand and places it on Kara’s cheek, smoothing away the worry lines with her touch.

“It’s fine Kara, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Lena reassures, the knot in her chest loosening at the hope she can see in Kara’s eyes. She cocks her head to the side, feigning deep thought, “Well, I mean, besides covering me and my kitchen in flour,” Her words have their intended effect.

Kara blushes brightly, mouth opening, protest at the ready.

“Hey, you are just as guilty, Missy!” She protests loudly, affronted.

“Yes, but _I_ didn’t start it,” She smirks as Kara’s lip juts out. Lena cackles and all the tension and worry in Kara’s body drains away. She looks more than a little relieved.

Lena fixes herself a plate and they start eating, but she can’t help but think about why Kara might have been worried in the first place.

She _really_ doesn’t want Kara to feel self conscious around her, especially not about being who she is. Is it a bit of an adjustment? Well, yeah. But it’s nothing she can’t handle or get over with a little time. She’d do anything for Kara.

God, she wishes she was better at this. She doesn't really know how to deal with this situation, how to handle it with the proper care it deserves. Lena's always been the kind of person to believe that a little lighthearted humour can go a long way.

Growing up she didn't exactly get the best opportunities to talk through her feelings. Sarcasm and wit were the closest thing she had to an emotional outlet.

But even if she has absolutely no idea how to approach this, that doesn't mean she can sit by and say nothing about it. Steeling herself, she puts down her fork and turns to face Kara fully.

“Look, Kara, I know that last night was a bit of a mess,” she starts, making sure she has Kara’s attention before continuing. “A lot has happened. It’s a lot to process, I know, considering just how much we talked about, but,” she pauses, gripping Kara’s free hand in hers and giving it a squeeze, “You don’t ever have to worry about just being yourself around me, okay? Whatever you normally do, however you normally act when you’re just being yourself, I want you to feel like you can be that around me.”

Kara blinks wide, looking at Lena with such appreciation that she doesn’t know what to what to do with herself.

“Thank you,” Kara says, sounding almost reverent, “I... you-that means so much. Really, Lena.” She beams and Lena’s face feels hot as she ducks her head and looks away. She’s probably never going to get used to having someone look at her like that, like she’s important. Like she’s good.

“It’s no problem, Kara. You don’t need to thank me,” she says, eyes still on the floor. “I just wanted you to know that.”

Delicate fingers tilt the bottom of her chin up until she’s looking Kara directly in the eye, startled at the affection there. Momentarily she gets distracted by just how pretty she is, hair glinting it the morning light, a little bit of syrup on her chin.

“ _You_ , Lena Luthor, are something special.” Her chest feels like its going to burst from all of the feelings those words evoke. Kara just shakes her head slowly, fingers still on her chin and bright eyes locked with Lena’s.

“Most people wouldn’t be as okay with this, you know. It’s alright if it’s a bit much.” She’s trying to be reassuring, but the thought only makes Lena frown.

“Well, most people are stupid.” Kara raises her eyebrows. “I mean it, Kara. You can’t help who you are or where you came from any more than I can,” her fists clench, “You deserve to have spaces where you can be yourself without holding back.”

Kara purses her lips, sizing Lena up. She’s not sure what she’s looking for, but Kara nods to herself and drops her hand from her chin. She throws her a careful smile.

“We’ll talk more after we eat, alright?” More talking wasn’t exactly what Lena had in mind, but she should have known that Kara wouldn’t just let it slide.

She’s sure that even if she hadn’t brought this up now, it would have come up later. There’s still so much to be said, despite how much they've already covered. Their lives are way too complicated to make anything like this easy to navigate.

Even though she has probably close to five or even ten times more food than Lena, Kara somehow manages to finish first. Lena may have been dragging her feet a little bit though, because deep conversations have never been her forte.

Last night she was drunk. She doesn’t have the same privilege today. Still, she doesn’t try to fight it when Kara leads her to the living area and sits her down on the couch, dishes momentarily forgotten.

Kara plops herself down on the cushions before pulling up her legs to sit cross legged, facing the middle of the couch and gesturing for Lena to do the same.

They sit, hands on their knees, facing each other in the morning glow of the apartment.

Lena lets Kara take her hands, trying to calm her heartbeat. It’s just Kara, they’re just talking. She can do this. Talking is good.

“About what you said, Lena...” Kara says slowly, “You’re right. I should be allowed to have spaces like that, and I’m glad that I do,” she pauses, one hand reaching up to cup Lena’s jaw, “And I’m especially happy that I get to have that with you.”

“I’m sensing a but, there,” Lena says, smiling halfheartedly. Kara falters a bit.

“Yes, but not for the reasons you’re thinking,” she takes a deep breath, “The fact is, I don’t get to have _normal_ anymore. Not by most people’s definition of the word.” Lena wants to protest, wants to say anything to combat the sadness in her eyes but she knows that it’s useless.

What she’s saying is true, Lena knows it just like she knows that she’ll never have her normal back either. Not the way it was before Lex was put away.

“And I know, that it’s not fair. And Rao, it just makes me mad _thinking_ about it.” Kara looks away, jaw clenching and unclenching, breathing unsteadily. Lena waits patiently until Kara’s eyes meet hers again. Once she’s composed, she keeps going.

“But people like you... my friends, my family. You guys make it easier just by being here. You give me some semblance of normal,” she chuckles, “Or at least, my kind of normal that’s not quite normal? But close enough that it helps. You help.” Lena shifts under the weight of Kara’s stare, unsure what to say. Kara smiles at her softly.

“My life has been, well,” she laughs a bit, “complicated doesn’t quite cover it, does it?” She says, amused. Lena grins.

“I don’t think there are any words in existence to cover that, Kara,” Lena teases, feeling relieved when Kara chuckles.

“You’re probably right. But you need to know that even though my life is really,” she searches for the right word, “crazy, sometimes, that I’m still glad to be here.”

Lena softens at the reassurance, leaning into Kara’s hand on her cheek.

“I’m glad you’re here too,” she admits quietly, echoing their words from last night. Kara’s eyes sparkle.

“I know.” She smirks, and Lena flicks her nose.

“I’m being serious, Kara,” she laughs, before sobering quickly, “I meant what I said earlier though. I still don’t think it’s fair that you don’t get to be yourself anymore. To just be Kara.” Kara bites her lip, watching Lena carefully. She gives her hand a squeeze, before leaning forward and giving her a short, sweet kiss. Lena barely has enough time to kiss back before she’s pulling away.

“I have to be a lot of people, something I know you’re familiar with,” Kara sighs, fiddling with Lena’s fingers. Lena nods. “It’s easy to feel like I’m four or five people in one body, easy to lose sight of _Kara_.” She smiles a bit bitterly, looking down at her lap, “Sometimes it feels like I’d be better off just staying as Supergirl, because people look up to her, because she can make a difference.”

Kara looks up, eyes locking with Lena’s, who couldn’t look away even if she wanted to.

“But you, Lena. You make me feel special for being plain old Kara Danvers. For just being me,” If Lena’s eyes start tearing up, she blames it on the drinks from last night, unable to believe that Kara can’t see how extraordinary she is. “You made me feel like a hero for just being Kara. Like I belonged.”

She trails a finger along Lena’s bottom lip, smiling shyly.

“You still make me feel like I belong. Like it’s okay to be me.”

Lena’s lips part, breathing shakily. Kara’s become the most important person in her life, without a doubt. She’s always placed a ridiculous amount of value and faith in their friendship, not caring whether or not Kara felt the same because she's used to people not feeling the same way.

But to hear Kara say these things, all of the things that Lena herself has been feeling for so long about her? There aren’t words to describe the feeling that blossoms in her chest. There aren’t words to describe how Kara makes her feel.

But there are words that are good enough to get the right message across, at least.

“I love you.” Lena whispers, her voice rough with emotion. Kara’s bright blue eyes get impossibly big, and she break into the brightest smile that Lena’s ever seen, even from her.

She cups Lena’s face in both hands, pressing their forehead together lightly.

“I love you too,” she breathes, and Lena feels the words all the way down to her bones.

Lena closes her eyes and nudges her nose against Kara’s softly, giving her a brief kiss that feels a lot like home.

Lena loses track of time, of how long the two of them stay there like that: foreheads pressed together, eyes closed peacefully.

Eventually Lena pulls back, not sure what to do with herself. She's never been so open, never been quite as exposed as she is now. It's as terrifying as it is exhilarating. Lena runs a hand through her hair and chuckles.

“So, I think it's safe to say we've met our heart to heart quota for the year, don't you agree?”

“We'll see about that.” Kara grins, nudging Lena's knees affectionately with her own.

“Well it's at least enough for today, in my humble opinion.” Lena quips, making a grab for the remote and turning on the TV. She hopes that Kara will get it, will understand how her emotions are overwhelming her. She's sure she does when Kara watches her fondly before lying back and pulling Lena down with her, tucking her head under her chin.

“So,” she chirps, arms settling comfortably around the brunette, “What are we watching?” Lena never really cares what they watch if she’s being honest. Sure, she likes a few things here and there but Kara is the real television buff. Lena never has the time to watch regularly, and even if she did not much keeps her interest.

“I’ll let you pick,” Lena says, closing her eyes.

“You always let me pick,” Kara quips, poking at Lena side. Lena wriggles at the touch, scowling because she knows that Kara knows her sides are ticklish. She elbows her for good measure, knowing that it won’t affect her anyways.

“Maybe I just trust your judgement,” Lena says dryly, rubbing her now sore elbow while Kara remains unscathed.

“I’ll remember you said that the next time I want to watch 27 Dresses,” Kara retorts, smirking at the exaggerated pained look on her face. Lena groans.

“I know you secretly like it Lena, it’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

“You’ll never get to to admit it, despite how impressive Katherine Heigl's cheekbones may be.” She can practically feel the pout Kara’s directing the back of her head, but she won’t cave, even if that movie really is her guilty pleasure.

Kara puts on some television drama Lena’s never heard of, though she’s almost certain it’s the dumbest thing she’s ever watched, she doesn’t complain.

The reason she always lets Kara pick is because she gets a lot more enjoyment out of watching Kara watch her shows than she does from the shows themselves.

Kara doesn’t do anything halfway, even just watching television she’s just so... expressive. Enthusiastic. It’s endearing.

She’s never been sure if Kara’s aware of that fact, but when Kara’s eyes flicker to hers at one point and she winks, she’s fairly sure she has an idea. Well, if she didn’t before, she’s certain that her blush in response gave her away.

Episode after episode goes by, and they move onto some ridiculous romantic comedy that has Lena rolling her eyes every five minutes if for no other reason than to get a response out of Kara.

The blonde always giggles at her dramatic antics before swatting at her arm and telling her to pay attention. They’re around forty-five minutes in when Lena’s eyes start too droop, her lack of sleep finally catching up with her. She dozes off briefly before jolting awake against Kara chest, blinking rapidly to try and stay awake. Kara just hugs her closer, kissing the top of her head.

“Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep,” Lena murmurs, voice barely audible against Kara’s collarbones. Her hands rub Lena’s back gently.

“It’s fine,” She whispers, sounding pretty out of it herself. Lena curls further into her, sighing in content.

“I’m just gonna sleep for a bit,” she says, already half unconscious.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to drift off, both having had barely any sleep the night before. Lena doesn’t mean to sleep for so long, it’s going to throw off her sleep schedule royally.

She wakes cradled against Kara’s chest the, back pressed to her front, toned arms wrapped around her waist. Kara’s fingers are tracing patters across her stomach lightly over the fabric of her shirt.

“What time is it?” She says, voice sleep hoarse.

“Around eight pm,” Kara replies, sounding more than a little amused. Lena turns in her arms and gapes at her.

“You let me sleep that long?”

“You looked like you needed it,” She explains with a shrug, brushing the hair out of Lena’s face.

Sighing, she rubs at her eyes and sits up. Kara follows after her, arms sliding around her waist and pressing a kiss against her shoulder.

“How long have you been awake for?”

“Not long,” She murmurs, chin on Lena’s shoulder. Suddenly tense, Kara’s head jerks off her shoulder and whips around. Lena’s eyes follow hers, trailing to the window in confusion until the realization dawns.

She stands up quickly, waving off Kara’s apologetic looks as she too gets up from the couch before disappearing into the bedroom. When she comes back out, she’s in full Supergirl regalia, as tall and imposing as ever.

But even like this, Lena can’t help but see her as just Kara. Kara, the girl who earlier this morning was covered in flour and managed to eat around a dozen pancakes in less than ten minutes.

A warm smile tugs up on the corner of her lips as she walks Kara out onto the balcony.

It reminds her of last night, only she feels a lot more like herself right now.

Kara turns to face her, expression serious but somehow still managing to be gentle. She takes both of Lena’s hands into hers.

“Sorry I have to leave in such a hurry,” She says, apologetic when she really shouldn’t be, “I wouldn’t go unless it was an emergency.”

Lena just shakes her head and squeezes Kara’s hands.

“Kara, it’s alright,” she smirks, “Duty calls, and all that.” Kara laughs lightly, taking a step forward giving her a light kiss on the cheek.

“I’m really glad we talked.” She whispers against her. She’s pulling back when Lena grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her in, catching her by enough surprise that she doesn’t resist.

She kisses Kara firmly, if not a little bit desperately because she can’t believe that out of all the people in this city, she’s the one that gets to do this. The person that gets to kiss Kara.

When she finally does pull back, Kara look dazed. Lena presses one last lingering kiss against the corner of her mouth.

“You’ve got a city to save, Supergirl.” She says, chuckling when Kara’s face breaks out into a dorky smile.

“R-Right, um yeah. That’s me. Supergirl. I save people.” Kara stutters, putting her hands on her hips in her standard pose. Lena grips her shoulders, laughing.

“Yes, that’s you. Kara, go, I’ll be fine.” That seems to snap her out of it. All business once more, Kara spares her once last glance before shooting up into the night sky, disappearing among the stars. Lena watches her go with awe, lingering on the balcony for a while after she leaves, watching the cityscape.

When she finally does go back inside, she leaves the balcony door unlocked.

Just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried for fluffy and naturally because I'm really interested in their dynamic it was a bit heavier than I meant it to be. It's still way lighter than the first part though so I'm gonna call that a success. Let me know what you think! I've already got a few other fics in progress so I'll be posting more with these two soon.
> 
> I hope you guys liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> After watching "Luthors" I had to, Lena's been through way too much and she deserves a good cry damn it. That and the parallels between them, I just had to have them talk about it! The potential is too great here, the writers are really missing out!
> 
> The next part will be a lot lighter now that we've gotten the heavy stuff out of the way!
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr! @lady-hircine or my side blog, @lenaaaluthor


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